I truly wanted to become a potato and vanish somewhere underground, never to be seen or heard again.
It was a Friday and I so wished it to be a Saturday so that I could just stay in and be a potato.
Now now, before all your hearts start to feel super squishy (because I could be like you or for that matter, every teenager who is nursing a heart ache after all) please let me also tell you I wanted to disappear with a plate of “aloo ka pakoras“ (english- small balls of mashed and spiced potatoes deep friend in oil).
You see, I was (and still am) a wicked potato and could eat a fellow potato and I loved the tempestuous delhi monsoons so that makes me a Sweet Potato (potatoes don’t like rains but sweet potatoes do 😉)
My life’s soul ambition was to ‘Escape.’
While, I had almost succeeded in escaping (at least in my dreams), the clamour on my windows courtesy the Indra Dev (Indian Rain gods/PS: for those who aren’t aware, we, in India have proper job allocations for Gods and Goddess also! You see, we are very methodical like that) disrupted my game of dodging time and frittering away with it and it hit me….
It was 1st September 2006.
The potato rolled over the bed instantly and hit the floor.
How could this have escaped me! Damn the potato’s brains.
I, a stickler for cleanliness (obsessive to a level where I can almost be called porangi, when it comes to hygiene), ditched my bath for the day.
In those days, not every house was a proud owner of inverters, at least mine wasn’t and if it’s raining, it’s an unspoken rule, there would be power cuts.
Because, as per the Delhi’s Power Department, Indra Dev and Electricity simply can’t go hand in hand.
I ran and wiped myself off a wet towel (Gross, I know) and braided my hair and ran for the door.
I grabbed my maruti’s keys (with my mother hurling very flowery words at me) and drove the fastest ever and ended up hurting many male egos and as a result of which I had a couple of boys follow me, and then race me off the road.
Needless to say, they didn’t succeed!
Finally, I reached the Vasant Vihar red light and I quickly dabbed some lip balm while I anxiously waited for the traffic signal to turn green.
It turned green and I sped off to my destination.
By now, my hair were all over, with a few strands also sticking onto my freshly lip balmed pout and my little nose was rounded and flared with irritation.
I was somehow able to control my annoyance at everyone and everything in and around me and I ran!
Ran in my Osho slippers (we all have owned that 100 INR per a pair of cane Black slippers haven’t we) to Barista!
The goddamn cane in the slippers were biting my feet as they had come alive and formed mini splinters of sorts in this rain.
And I deflated!
shit shit shit
He had waited for me and left.
And just then, a hand came and rested on my waist and I turned around to face him…
his beautiful face, those big brown eyes and his super long nose.
How I loved this forever mischievous man!
I was so sorry for being late and I apologised just as much.
It was his birthday after all.
IT WAS HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY that we were celebrating as a couple and I wasn’t just late,
I was VERY LATE.
But, his spirits were just as high and he was so happy to have me there with him, next to him.
That’s all that mattered to him!
let me tell you a little secret, If I were him, I think I would have been a bitch! Bitchy Potato😈😈
It’s been 12 birthdays since then and I am sure I have been a bitchy every vegetable 🤢🤢since then and this man just smiled through it all.
Sometimes, I wonder if he even understands the word “expectations” at all!
The only word he understands is “understanding.”
Today, on his 12th birthday since then-
I only wish, that one day I too will be as giving as he is!
I promise to test his levels of “understanding” because otherwise he won’t be he, I won’t be I and then we won’t be us.
So, Madhav Lamba,
To many more birthdays and births of you with me…
don’t make that pain struck face sitting there on your captain’s chair at sea and read this –
Poor male-potato! Stuck with me for life.
Happy birthday Soul-Potato (mate).
PS: I love you very much but I hate you even more!!!
….and yes I, today accept publicly, that had it not been for you, I would have been a very different person, Oopss…I meant a potato! Or I could have been a rotten fruit too! One never knows!
Rotten for sure though!!!